To be human is to know both love and loss. Experiencing the highs and lows of life is both a universal and individual pursuit, inhabiting common ground between strangers and also being a singular journey that each of us must discover our own way through. Finding our way through loss, when we may feel least like ourselves, requires us to seek and hold on to the things that lighten a heavy heart.
Stephen Panus, president of TJC Media Ventures, parent company of America's Best Racing, has penned a book, "Walk On," where he recounts the sudden death of his son Jake in 2020 and shares the lights that continue to guide him through this tragedy.
On Aug. 9, 2020, Panus, wife Kellie, and youngest son Liam got the news that their beloved son and brother had been killed in a car accident. In the years since, the family has sought ways to navigate this new, unwanted reality, through grief therapy, connections with others who have suffered similar losses, and opportunities to honor Jake by giving back to the causes that he most treasured such as the Lakota children of Red Shirt Table in Oglala County, S.D.
As Panus sought a path through his grief, he started writing: "When I first started writing, it was just pure survival. I had a lot of feelings and started out as writing a goodbye letter to Jake, if you will."
Throughout first Jake's and then Liam's lives, Panus had shared daily inspirational messages and quotes on sticky notes, left either on the boys' lunchboxes or where they ate breakfast. As he continued writing through his grieving process, he thought of those quotes and of Liam, who was struggling with the loss of his older brother. Panus knew he needed to help his youngest find a way through his ongoing grieving process, which led him "to revisit these quotes and make sense of them. I really thought that it was going to be something for Liam at the end, but when I finished this, I said, 'Maybe there's something greater here that can help others beyond Liam.'"
The end result of Panus' efforts is "Walk On," published by Koehler Books and available now from your favorite bookseller. The book not only shares how the Panus family has navigated these past four years, but also what Jake himself imparted to others and the messages that this father has shared with his sons, messages of hope interwoven with the inevitable reckoning that comes with relearning who we are after losing someone close to us.
Over 162 pages and 24 chapters, "Walk On" traverses topics from dealing with loss to building on one's innate courage, gratitude, and humility to find a path through tough times. Inspired by Jake and the impact he had on those around him, the book transcends grief and imparts advice and observations that can help readers "whether they're going through a loss of a loved one or they're dealing with a failed marriage or a financial crisis or poor health condition and diagnosis. We're all suffering so I think there is something in there for everybody," Panus shared.
"Walk On" is aimed at a broad audience, from kids dealing with challenging times in their lives to parents and mentors looking to connect with young people.
As the author observed, "Often we look outside for answers, for external things, material things, and the answers are right within each of us."
Each chapter imparts ways to turn inward and find what we need to overcome challenges and move forward.
"We're here to love one another and lift each other up and help one another," Panus said. "One of the things I talk about is that our vulnerability is our strength. By acknowledging that and actually living it out, I can help others to open up because it's not healthy to keep it all bottled inside."
"In Native American culture, when someone passes away, they don't die, they walk on," Stephen Panus writes. In "Walk On," he shares his tribute to Jake and to the connections we all make in our lifetimes, and Panus inspires each of us to embrace our vulnerability, strength, and gratitude as we navigate the highs and lows of life.
